We can make salsa ya know, maybe even some hot sauce. That doesn't mean we're married.
so I called to to smoke and you didn't pick up so I smoked and now I'm a race car
My valentine's day: watching The Notebook, and porn, eating chocolate, and ice cream. All while jacking off.
Wow... you've managed to cover all of the sad girl stereotypes that exist.
They pulled him over whille he had a fish tank full of beer in his front seat. He told them it coudn't count as an open container cause the top was on it.
I'm wearing a shirt that says "birthday girls #1 homo" ...what has my life come to?
I'm just gonna plan on never getting a bf. everything I touch turns to gay
She said she was jealous that i could wear headbands, then growled at the ground in shame..
Trevor is horny so he just called me to tell me all the things that he would like to do with his future wife. That's a new one.
FUCK YOU VODKA I'M TRYING TO ADULT RIGHT NOW
You know shit got weird when you watched another guy shove drugs up your wife's ass and it wasn't awkward for any of us....
This kid wants me to stop partying. Like I have only known you for 5 days. Chill.
We haven't had hot water in our dorm all weekend. Do you know if there is any other way to wash off shame?
Dude, he turned on “London Bridge” by Fergie and GAVE ME A LAP DANCE.
you said, "the pool was totally tequila. and i left my shoe halfway across town. and by shoe i mean car" it appeared to me that you didn't have your shoes or car.
dude kate found out i cheated and busted in while i was taking a shit. I was cornered, nothing i could do
so drinking tonight?
Be there in 15
Randomize
