So we've decided on 'hamburger' as your code for tonight. If you add ketchup or fries, we know the threat level has escalated.
i have the juiciest gold medal in my pants
I just walked by a homeless man reading the money section of USA Today...
Dude, he sent me a pic of his dick. I thought dating a married man wouldn't remind me so much of high school. Seriously.
My own vomit just splashed me in the face. How's your day going
on a brighter note, the strip club found my atm card
So basically i got outta bed and started peeing on the a/c unit..when my roommate tried to stop me i looked at him and said "i got this"
This bowl of cereal would be the size of a giant's bowl-piece. It's. that. big.
How much did you smoke??
hotdog in my bra and i still managed to score. Got a bit freaked when he tried to eat it though. I paid 3 bucks for that fucking hotdog.
She's working this semester. Her dad saw he was listed as 'the atm' on her phone and cut off tuition for three months.
You puked on the bar then proceeded to walk out. I told the bartender some girl walked up, puked and left and he gave me a free drink. Hope you got home safe.
Was so close to hoppin on it but then I realize it's not a dick and I needed to keep walking. Primal instincts.
That's one good thing about being an only child. I can masturbate wherever the fuck I want
I AM NOT LOSING TO SOME FICTIONAL CROSSDRESSER
Bitch I slept on the ground 2 nights running
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