first time Ive ever had to stop sex to go pass out in the kitchen floor...
Your sister reminds me of me at her age. Stop her while you can.
New game: find the sober person in Tbell
He thought the strainer was a giant bowl to puke in.
Ahhh sometimes you just need a thermos of whiskey in the library
Oh god. Standing was a rash decision
I made it to Starbucks to do work and I've just been sitting here with my head on the table for 30 minutes...
Anderson Cooper just came out.
Crying tears of glitter and rainbows right now. Gonna decorate my dildo like My Little Pony in his honor.
I need to beat up a magician now. BRB.
The best part is every argument that she makes from here on out will be refuted by "Oh hey remember that time you shit yourself wearing someone else's sweatpants at a frat party?"
It looks like I promised him my virginity, in spanish. What the hell did you give me?
do u know what happened to the bottles last night?
apparently we hid them.... i google mapped the location into my phone
i'm hungover but need to study so i had a vodka orange juice, three ibuprofen and an adderall for breakfast. what up med school
Its like drunk me is Oprah except instead of a car everyone's award is seeing my boobs
I just looked down and realized I was walking around in briefs and a ninja turtle shirt; and for a second, I thought I was 8 again... Weird...
you fell asleep with her panties on your face. how are you surprised??
Randomize
