im surrounded by empty glasses of chocolate milk WTF
Why did every guy I have ever slept with have to come into the library today?
I could write a book on how to barely get by in community college. I just took an online quiz on my phone, at the bar, 6 minutes before it was due.
Turns out puking in your mask makes it even harder to see out of the mask..
I just made my roommate a 'Hope you don't have chlamydia' cake.
Make one for john too.
i wonder if cab drivers are trained in the art of delivering girls back to their dorms on Saturday mornings. because mine was so nice that he dropped me off at the back of my building so no one would see me.
Oh fuck. There is like a human shit on the sidewalk. I hate this place.
I made $130 by ordering two pizzas and charging them $10 a slice. If they weren't so stoned they might have realized they could have just ordered another pizza for $20.
Debating whether the Plan B I had this morning would go under breakfast or lunch in my food log.
Going back to the ever classy sneak out to the fridge and swig liquor from the bottle method. That it is legal for me to drink here makes the fact that I have to do this all the more depressing.
I'm moving out of my place and I just gave my mom a couch that I had sex on last night. Reduce, reuse, recycle at its best.
In fairness you've introduced me to a lot of people I've only met once, for like 5 seconds, while drunk
When's the last time you had sex near some ducks?
Nice. I got home at like 3am.stopped at Walmart for a vacuum and weirdly a trash can. Not sure why high me last night needed a new trashcan.
He was shirtless in my yard saying he was jesus
Randomize
