I feel like our house is getting pulled over.
I'm drunk and I'm watching it's Alwyas Sunny and eating candy. Even I am jealosu of my life
Totally forgot this... How weird was it when they were licking our faces
Oh I woke up in my neighbors garage using one of their sleeping bags, as my neighbor was doing laundry in there.
I'll be listening to "I will always love you" and sobbing uncontrollably all night, care to join?
We were messing around at his place it was going fine until he said, "I'm going to cum, hand me the shot glass"
SIMBAAAA REMEBER WHO YOU ARE
I bet yours is gonna be filled with secret innuendo.
secret innuendo and cervical punches to the world.
Okay so.. What's with me and guys who have more than 2 nipples
Seriously though, passing out on the police station floor must have been priceless!
So, I have realized that I am kryptonite for married men. I'm not sure how to feel about this sober, but drunk me accepts her destiny.
I just called my boyfriend "Dad"... Awkward
I wish more of my problems were easily solvable by taking a good long shit.
He's far too busy staring into my soul to touch my tits.
I don't know how to explain to you that you tried to recreate the bit from the Dana Carvey show where a guy dressed as Bill Clinton breastfeeds a bunch of puppies
Randomize
