1:57 a.m. Where did you go???
1:58 a.m. What are you doing? I want to go home with you, why aren't you responding?
2:11 a.m. Heading back to your place now, will you let me in?
So she puts out... but it wasn't worth it
i felt like we were having sex on ultimate fighter, and people on the outside kept yelling ELBOW ELBOW! KNEES KNEES!
Apparently married women at the office don't like getting congratulated on getting "knocked up"
I didn't join FB to see my only child straddle that boy in all her pictures.
how do you wash the taste of whore out of your mouth?
u sent me just one boob. one just doesnt do it for me. u dont get full on a half a rack of ribs u need a full one
can't believe I ate straight coffee grounds to stay awake for that
i knew it was time to leave when he woke me up only wearing pooh bear oven mitts and holding a plate of thank you pancakes
Breaking up as roommates was a poor life decision. I'm sorry. Thank you for never shitting on the floor.
And by go well you mean everyone's hammered right?
Yupp. And someone's bleeding
Ryan got so drunk he gave a hobo $20 and I had to zip tie him to the bed so he doesn't out stupid himself
You came in last night, ate an entire avocado in silence, and then told me I should never accept rides from strangers. Not sure I even want to know what happened to you last night!
I don't want to be drunk any more. Can you hit the off switch?
How ironic... opening your legs for closure.
Randomize
