There's people holding up abortion signs everywhere. I guess the people of Florida want you to remember you fucked up on Spring Break.
every single one of us blacked out. we woke up the next morning and it was like the night never happened. IT'S STILL A MYSTERY
I found a tip from a dart in my bra this morning
It was going well until he told me about the 7k he made in college to be in a gay porn
Dude, the coffee is horrible this morning, Cass changed something about it
We ran out of Bailey's Irish cream...
This is what regular coffee tastes like?!?! Fuck the adult life.
Somehow I ended up in a different costume dancing with some tree of a guy in the basement bathroom, what did you give me?
Listen, dont tell me about your day or that your mom is in town. Don't ask me to drive you to the airport or proofread your paper. Text me when and only when you have a boner. Oh and take your pants off and leave your front door unlocked because I'm coming over.
Eating chips and sending nudes. This is my life.
Accepting his friend request would be the Facebook equivalent of pity sex.
Yes, ur purse got stole with our condo keys in it but my slut ass saved us and we had a place to stay, AND I got to choke a motherfucker while riding him. Thats taking one for the team.
Can't talk, ducks in the car
Totally writing my paper on the toilet. Makes me miss you.
I woke up next to him with nothing on and my thong around his neck. I just put my clothes on and left, but he still has my thong.
Apparently we fucked, I kicked him out, then he came back and we did it on the coffee table and in the kitchen.
In a meeting I sneezed and my tooth hit the floor. I don't think anyone noticed. I would still like to die now.
Randomize
