ok shes still asleep, should i pee on her and say she did it herself? and by the time you respond to this ill probably have already made the decision
Whats a good hint for stop bitching im gonna give you head
OH MY GOD. JESUS STRIPPER. THERE IS A JESUS STRIPPER HERE. A STRIPPER DRESSED AS JESUS.
I remember coming home with a cat... I havent seen it all day. Shit.
I slept with him to see his dog one last time
I don't think we had sex because when I woke up he was still wearing the chicken suit.
I heard an explosion in the backyard. You told me you were playing "will it burn".
ask me again when I'm sobewr aka tuesday
Happy birthday, you long dick monster
You just want to live out all your fuck fantasies with all these girls through me. I know your game. Well played sir.
I just bottomed with the last unicorn playing in the background. I've hit a new level of gay.
She asked the bartender for "7 shots of something fruity" and long story short the bartender punched me in the face. Chivalry is stupid.
They filled a kiddie pool with lube and glitter.
I TAUGHT HER CAT TO SIT. CATS DON'T FUCKING SIT ON COMMAND. BUT THIS ONE DID!
It's basically my crowning achievement.
Soon to be ex is nowhere to be found. Her attorney/new BF just showed up. 30 minutes late looking hungover. Pretty sure I'm getting the kids AND the house!
Randomize
