i'm three days dirty after drinking 14 hours last night and some other questionable behavior (hula hooping at a large concert, for example) i will just always bring the class. and the sluttiness.
I have to decide between the hot young blond with no apparent gag reflex, and the brunette with a great ass and a trust fund.
if i found out she had a dick after i got head, does that still make me gay?
I skipped class, don't know why though bc all I did in the meantime was cook pancakes and watch infomercials..my life sucks
I don't know what's worse, the fact that my parents own a sex swing or the fact that my little cousin was playing on it
i just had to hear from a third party that he came inside of me
I tried to tell him I love him but it came out something like "We're both fucked up and it works."
No, I don't not want an upside down piggyback ride. You're drunk and there are rocks.
I don't know what it is about vodka that make me ruin relationships.
you should have walked with me to my car. you just missed a girl rip off her bra and throw it into a dumpster and scream mardi gras
If you're not peeing in public bi-monthly, you're not really living.
All I know is you walked out of the kitchen in some kind of French onion dip bra and started passing out individual chips to guys saying " do you dip?"
Tomorrow is my favorite texting day of the year... It's where I send every guy I've had sex with this past year a text saying "happy not a Father's Day" and we laugh and I get so much dick it's wonderful.
I like that they’re all named Christopher or Chris. No need to worry about moaning during!
if I start to respond to these political texts with a middle finger emoji - do you think they will get the hint?
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