My whole home page is your drunken face booking, congrats.
can you take me to a tanning bed
sure, why though?
i have to go once so i can blame these herpes on the tanning bed and she won't get suspicious
Just ate applesauce I laced with percocets for dinner. I'm pretty sure my grandmother does the same thing.
I need to stop fucking people before I get to know them
you yelled "who's job is it to keep me from breaking shit" and then immediately ripped off the molding as you fell down the stairs.
I created a new solo drinking game. You need a handle, a laptop, and a shitty internet connection. Start watching the fort video in the que, play the snake while the videos constantly load, and take a drink everytime you fuck up. There was a video of a an asain female Justin beiber impersonator full screen when I woke up.
She literally just cut half her hair off because she's tired of asking someone to hold it back when shes drunk and puking.
I really just want to eat 20 mcnuggets and slap everyone with the box when I'm done.
I'm just gonna go with where the wind takes me. if it takes me to his dick, so be it.
you told me your favorite colors were "pink" "no pants" and "Mexican food"
Just saw our highschool guidance counselor at the bar and he's taken six shots in the last hour. Those teenagers have fucking hardened him.
People were wondering why I started hanging out with him after high school, the simple answer is now that I don't see his dorky ness everyday I can just focus on his amazing penis.
It's one of the few times I hit fuck it levels of not caring
Well, I turned down sex again. This is guy #5 in the past 2 weeks. My vagina is going to seek emancipation.
he put a condom on for a handjob WTF
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