We may or may not have a drunk cat on our hands.
literally have a bruise on my forehead from being over the toilet all night.
I should probably file for unemployment. Sometime between last night and 4 AM I facebooked my manager the lyrics to hoe by ludacris. I'm just projecting ahead here.
I don't want to be with anyone who doesn't accept me for who I am. eating cheeseburgers in bed is my favorite activity.
I swear she's a drunk klepto...by the end of the night she had stolen 3 bowling balls. HOW DO YOU STEAL 3 BOWLING BALLS?
Really? And is this the kinda party we talked about earlier?
Yup. It's just me crying in a closet eating soup
I have way too big of a thanksgiving food baby to enjoy any of my old high school booty calls
Can I just have sex with him and then never talk to him? I need him to be the Mr. Miyagi of my sex life.
Just woke up from a first date on the futon watching Arrested Development by myself, him cuddling another chick in his room. Simultaneously the best and worst one night stand in history.
Bonus: took me 2 hours to get home on the streetcar cause I spent my cab money on drinks for his friend last night.
Cant really say how it happened but i woke up in the middle of the night and somehow pissed all over connors dad
I just plagiarized Dr. Curtis Connor's ideology from Spider-man in an essay on genetically engineered embryos. College: academic integrity at its finest.
Of course I'm using oj as a mixer, its flu season.
Will you rub my calves while I masturbate?
idk i usually just blame everything on steve
Steve quit two months ago
I don't know if I'm having early flu symptoms, a miscarriage, or am badly hungover. Web md agrees.
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