my house keeper must think I'm a prostitute.
I sometimes wonder how many of the girls I know have done anal...and why none of them have ever dated me.
i just looked at my contacts and realized i saved the pizza hut girl's number as "fckucin pizza" the other night.
I don't think a check that has "thx for the drugs" on the note is really gonna fly.
I think I'm about to have sex with a second person before noon hehehhe! You're welcome America.
Fuck that. I'm not afraid to die. I'll prove you can survive on a bagel bites and rum diet.
I woke up with his condom in my mouth. I actually use them now you should be proud of me.
You put on a bike helmet, yelled "doesn't matter fuck it" then punched a stick the fire
I'm about to play another round of who's panties are in my car.
I think he has some internal "man stuff" that keeps getting in the way.
Like alcoholism and general douchbagary.
I hooked up with a guy named Quan.. I literally hit the Quan
Someone had to wrestle her in the chocolate pool, I'm glad I was man enough to step up and do it
I am texting my fuck buddy about fucking tonight, while facebook chatting with his wife about food.
I just saw a guy walking up the stairs with his dick out his pants. I let him know, and he just looked down in shock, laughed, and continued walking up the stairs.
What were you even doing out there at 2 a.m.?
Look, i had a gallon of lemonade, a pack of smokes and a Darth Vader voice changer. What did you EXPECT me to do?
Randomize
