lesson #67 learned in college: a three day old margarita, is still a margarita.
so he went down on me and i thought i heard him say "you're smelly" to my vagina
i got awkward and finally asked him what he said
he actually said "you want some dick?" to my vagina. which is worse? either way he's talking to it
that knocking you heard last night......that was her head slowly going through the wall
I woke up and there is a food processor in my purse. Someone else's framed family photo. My front door is wide open and my gerbil is playing in the water bong.
Yeah I'm going to bathe him.
So I cleaned out my gym bag. Found half a bottle of malibu.
You know, I could pretend I'm shocked but what's the use?
I hope he didn't notice that my shirt was inside out when I told him I didn't have sex with the guy. Kind of a dead giveaway.
yeah a little bit of me felt bad about it. But the rest of me was having sex with him.
He is crying over the toilet and his friends just came in and tried to make him take another jello shot.
Hey man. We haven't met but my name is Ben. I threw up a bunch at your house last night. I heard you smoke though so I'll smoke you out anytime.
Due to certain anatomical proportions it was less like fucking and more like childbirth.
She can't meet us until 830...there's no hope for our sobriety at that hour
My favorite part was screaming to all my life by kc and jojo and just horribly failing
How dare you question the sanctity of Chocolate-and-Porn day
But if I live with you I'll help pay rent. Only if you promise no 50 shades of what the fuck internet hookups
That shit was hard as fuck. It felt like a mountain entering my vagina.
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