I will be home in 10 min. Dont be beating off on the couch
enter at your own risk
It must be a full moon weekend. All of my weird booty calls are coming out of the woodwork. I spent 40 minutes on the phone last night telling one why he is so creepy.
My cousin just told me i smelled good. She must like the smell of cum.
whore
Just got mistaken for a cardboard cutout ad in line at Taco Bell. New low?
The cab driver just finished telling me how leaving community college after one month was the best desicion he ever made.
also I just used a straw to drink the juice out of a tomato b/c I forgot how to bite.
I just wanted to let you know that this afternoon I took a piss at the same toliet you drank out of on New Years Eve.
Pre warning. Your not gonna sleep tonight cuz I'm staying with your roommate. Thanks for breaking up with me.
I totally just found ecstasy floating around in the bottom of my purse, it's almost like good karma from the time I lost that blow...but not quite
i dont trust my judgment anymore so im only going to fuck guys who can donate blood at the red cross. they have standards.
On the oral sex Super Bowl board I drew 7 and 1. If I get lucky, someone will be swallowing during Madonna's half time. I'm sure she'd approve.
To keep it classy I will take a pregnacy test on Mother's Day
I woke up to a gigantic ft-long tootsie roll and a note by drunk me with the words "you're welcome"
He is married, and has a regrettably large penis. I need to find another one right away to get myself out of this mess.
How big does a penis have to be before it becomes regrettably so?
So my furniture is upside-down, two lamps are glued to the ceiling, and there is a kitten sleeping on Kyle's face. Please tell me what happened last night....
Randomize
