your room smells of hookers.
And success
she has no idea who harrison ford is.
see that's why i'd never date someone born in the 90s
it's a girl!!
That's great, I look forward to meeting her in 18 years
We've been here 3 hours and the only 1 word answer she didn't give was the drink order. Don't think I'm getting laid tonight
well i just got discharged from the hospital after getting pegged in the head by a t-shirt gun so thats how my night was.
2 things. 1. I just gave her a 6 hour long marathon fucking for America. 2. Thought of a new invention halfway through, and it's flawless.
Time to do stuff I know I'll have to hide from my grandkids one day and everyone at next weekends wedding.
I just remembered you had me meet your law professor while I was wasted...how'd that go?
Just served breakfast to a bunch of hella drunk kids. They kidnapped the birthday boy for his 21st and he was wearing a disney onesy and bunny ears. They've been drinking since before dawn, why don't we have friends like that?
I'm just gonna get real fat and join the circus.
I just passed a truck with its bed lined with a tarp and filled with water with six dudes chilling in the back driving through campus. That looks fun.
I think I should just be a madame. Fuck it.
I'm just gonna post fliers on telephone poles like, "who wantsta be a hooooooe?!"
He went down on me to the national anthem being sung by Jordan sparks. It was very patriotic of him
whoa whoa whoa, you're saying I shouldn't post pics of you balls deep in a southern hottie?
YAS. BRING CRAB.
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