dude if Megan calls say you Sis was house sitting for me yesterday , she f'n found dana's panties
i wish i could just hire someone to go down on me every night until i fall asleep
i wanna have a kid now so by the time he's 20 ill only be 42 and assuming im already divorced we can pick up girls together
it makes more sense than having a misplaced asshole
im not talking about this
I took both his daughters virginities. There's no way he won't give me a job
How do you get a black eye playing beer pong??
I don't think I'd trust a marching band with trampolines to not cause serious damage to themselves/ property.
just found out they live across the street from coke dealers... rethinking the new years resolution
Ps this homeless dude just came in hotel bar w a sword sticking out his jumpsuit trying to buy a drink w a 3rd party check
Might I also add after my boss threw up in the garbage can and yelled puking rally, he dougied, then told me I wasn't about that life.
Sean slept in the bushes beside my house again. Any reason he kept screaming/slurring 'it was all a bunch of goddamn lies' through out the night?
It's like she fell out of an MTV reality show and no one knows how to send her back
Saw two pregnant women at court today and I SWEAR one of them said "we had a threesome with this random guy and he got both of us pregnant."
there's crying, and people are upset, and there's a love triangle, and a broken heart, and so much estrogen
I don’t know what language he speaks but I know my boobs will translate just fine
I’m looking forward to few days of international relations
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