i just told a girl i would suck the alcohol out of a deoderant stick
I'm okay, they said the swelling should go down in a week. But next time I'm shitwrecked, please make sure to remind me that I can't open a champagne bottle with corkscrew.
We decided that the paper cups disintegrating was god's way of telling us we had had enough
just threw up on my speech test, so much for a great semester
thats what you get for writing a paper after liquor pitchers
its only a rough draft.
i'm gonna start fucking more girls with asthma. help feed my ego.
Were at her birthday dinner and her dad keeps buying me shots saying when I was your age I fucked the shit outta girls
Hahahahahaha remind him your dating his daughter
I got arrested for "public intoxication". Fuckers threw me out of the bar into public... i mean shit they have thirsty Thursdays. And I get thrown out for self serve Sundays plus a citation.
Why is there a condom in the dishwasher...
Found a grenade pin. Still no Dave.
When I was sick she came over with Call of Duty, animal crackers and a handjob. Honor says I can't dump her until Easter
UPDATE: THERE IS ASS EATING. I REPEAT: THERE IS ASS EATING.
I was not drunk. There was Star Wars, sex, and baby oil.
I still dont see how i drunkenly impressed your mom
I need advice on ways to politely say “fuck you on your way to hell”.
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