hey can i play with your boom stick tonite? I'll let you shoot the love of jesus in my face.
come over
I feel bad for the person that has to clean the dishes that I peed on last night.
He told me his condom was going to expire tomorrow and he needed to use it. I can't believe I fell for it.
Turns out they use me as an example of What Not To Do at freshman orientation. My little brother told me.
Did we both pass out talking about cake last night?
"Tuesday" and "open-bar" shouldn't be used in the same sentence.
The woman at the nail salon waxing my lip just showed me the strip with all the hair on it while smirking. Apparenltly 'you have a stache' can be communicated through a language barrier.
The dry cleaners wouldn't even take our clothes. That's how bad of a night it was.
We celebrated International Women's Day by spending $700 and taking our tops off at the strip club
The boys offered to pay but we went halfs because we're feminists
I may or may not have just hot boxed a backhoe on the construction site of a police station that's being rebuilt..
I made out with a guy who was dressed as Borat
And like a minute in, I was like oh fuck what am I doing
Did you run away?
I DANCED AWAY.
We had sex with a sexual harassment video playing in the background before his gf got there. I've hit a new low
Being an adult can't be all bad. I just took a vacation day solely to sit around and get stoned
Why is this not the first time I’ve seen the mugshot of someone I’ve slept with
a reward? ill think of something
if its not drugs or food I swear to god ill throw a fit
Randomize
