so... thinking about masturbating finally
taking the losers way out I see
I don't plan to be alive for 2010 so ima say this 12 hours early. Happy New Year bitches
I'm sorry for coming into your work place and trying to smuggle you out in my purse.
I left two hundred in singles in your car sorry about the mess
I would never do this in real life. It's only college.
Well I went on a freakin rampage and destroyed a fan and claimed that it wasn't doing its fan duties... Then I knocked on everybody's doors in the hall and asked if they were content with their fan's performance and if not I would take care of it...
Just explain how I got from the bar to a house I've never been in, waking up to a cop in uniform ripping a bong
I mean you can't really blame him. He's named after whiskey and I don't get along with pants.
I am compiling a playlist that reminds me of all my best sexual encounters. It shall be called THE MUSIC OF MY VAGINA'S PEOPLE
does doing it on an automatic sink count as shower sex?
don't care how drunk i am. my dick was like "nope, not doing it, you can't make me and i was like oh yes i can"
Should I go sleeveless of strapless?
Hmmm, it doesn't matter. You're gonna be topless by the end of it.
Please come and kill me with a brick you dont even have to be nice about it just smash myfucking skull in this is the worst hangover ive had for at least a week
I was on all fours trying to empty the bowl we smoked into the sewer when your neighbor came out, but besides that it went smoothly
he started frosting cupcakes and licking the mini-spatula realllllly deliberately and i don't know if i'm more attracted to him or the cupcakes
Randomize
