I feel like ignoring a facebook event is a lot like a pocket-veto. The only difference is instead of opposing legislation, I don't want to go to your sketchy party.
Had sex with the ex last night. Regretting to begin in 5, 4, 3, 2, 1... WHYYYYYYYYYY!
A friday without alcohol is hardly a friday at all
Random girl at this party just gave me a lap dance in a la-Z-boy. Night significantly improved.
If someone would have told me in preschool that I was going to do him I would have said no
How did you even find out?
Because you came up to me and said "I just fucked in the bathroom."
Oh.
His penis smells like laundry I just wanted to cuddle it
We HAVE another bedroom, it's not like I was gunna chain you into the closet. Often.
If we could give a gymnastic score to drunken nights, I would be a part of the Fab Five.
Honestly, if you can handle putting socks on you can handle a condom.
do you ever feel so high you're swimming backstroke and then you realize you're still laying in bed on tumblr
Please don't fuck the professor. We both know that won't end well.
Did you see her happy birthday to emily on facebook? The gist of it is like: hey emily you almost died at birth im glad you didn't. love mom.
so he found out i have him as "average size" in my phone. fair to say we arnt going to be dating anymore
If he moved really quickly from "hi I've had a crush on you for years" to "send nudes" you probably were used.
Randomize
