I accidentally threw away from slim jim and some lady saw me dig it out of the garbage. It was unopened but still, I look so homeless.
Dude, someone broke the toilet seat in two, the is a pair of panties on the kitchen counter, and the entire house smells like a brewery
I've got to admit, I'm a little hesitant about giving him road head. I've seen how he drives and I've seen how he acts when I give him head. A small part of me is saying this is going to end badly.
They got me high and left me at the mall with a giftcard for $400. I need an adult.
4 people stoned, 3 boys I've slept with, 2 I gave chlamydia, and a partridge in a pear treeeeee
How festive
Some girl at my gym just tried to casually drop the fact she can kegel 3 lbs...
i think god would be more upset with me for turning down such a beautifully crafted cock than he would for me liking girls
Apparently we stole a dog last night. I woke up and it was just staring at me. But we fed it left over KFC for breakfast so it's cool.
My whole house smells like Spaghetti-Os and cat litter. I think I've failed as an adult.
Just FYI....you totally yelled out Royals while we were having sex last night lol.
I just told a guy I'm a cross of Kim K, Hilary Clinton and a dragon... He was still into it.
you need a warning label. Just announcing that you are Scottish is seen more as a challenge. Those guys have no idea what they are getting into.
i found you laying on the floor staring at the ceiling and you kept muttering "why" in various inflections.
Btw I thought it was impossible to use up 48 bottles of patron in one night but I was wrong...
I don’t know how to sext. What do you say? What do you don’t say?
Just start quoting WAP lyrics.
Randomize
