I wish they had nachos that got you drunk
I hate it when you make eye contact with someone bcs you are about to make fun of them and they take it as a hint to come hit on you.
Martha Stewart would most definitely roll a great joint.
Dude, I don't care how big her tits are. I have to dump her. She shit in my shower.
We tried to make ramen in a glass bowl on the stove. They called facilities to pick the glass out of the door
I was at a bus stop, eating a load of bread. Fairly sure I'm the poster child for poor students.
Totally shot down my boss for sex today. Approaching this weekend with a clear conscience and an untouched vagina.
Makes sense. My grandma just did this shot. MY FAMILY KICKS ASS.
And amler is totally snoring loud as fuck sitting on the steps with her feet in a puddle of soda puke
Just realized I chose a bacon cheeseburger over sex last night
According to my snapchat story, I tore a fake wig off a security guard and ran away with it.
So... How much of our rent is drug money?
Safe to say we should stock up on nipple bandaids ladies
I woke up to Dragon Ball Z playing in Portuguese and a donut shish-kebab~ed on a dick in my face.
Yeah, let's go with that. Fuck that weak moment of complete honesty I just had.
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