Grinding on my ninth grade teacher. Dreams really do come true
no jill really. Evrything around me is talking to me. The plant, my dog, the tv,the lamp. Its amazing.
she walked in on me snorting my prozac. there was no way to convince her i was doing a good thing.
It finally happened. My conscience stopped working. I've never felt so free
He's the kind you'd bring home and you'd wake up and all your food would be half eaten on the kitchen floor and all your socks would be missing.
I'll probably regret it tomorrow. But right now, accepting this $2000 credit card so that I can finance booty calls from across the united states sounds like a golden idea.
I have to answer enough questions about you, I don't need your uterus tossed in the conversation.
You should not be allowed to go away on the weekends I plan on getting drunk on. I need someone to stop me from punching this guy in the face. It's simple room mate etiquette.
I'm not pregnant. Security came before he could.
Dude I sat in the corner of the party bobbing my head and singing danger zone
drunk in woodshop so don't even say "I SAWWW THIS COMING." I know you're thinking it.
I'm pmsing and only have one functional foot
I just remembered that I insisted everyone watch porn together last night.
It was probably the night you were half naked and trying to blow everybody, guy or girl.
this is me we're talking about here. You're going to have to be more specific than that.
Yeah everywhere i go i feel like a 3rd or 5th or (2n+1)th wheel. That's right, i'm a mathematically depressed drunk.
Randomize
