clay aiken is like melissa ehteridge without the guitar.
my drunk step mom just informed me my dad likes reverse cowgirl. Please god kill me.
I found your twin in sf. His name is ryan. And you are the evil one.
I'm at the grocery store, it's 10 am and the woman in front of me just bought 3 boxes of wine. She turned around and told me not to be afraid
So... on the count of three, we are going to forget last night ever happened... 1...2...3
So, do you ever feel like EVERY SINGLE ONE OF YOUR FRIENDS IS INVOLVED IN A MASSIVE AND INTRICATE CONSPIRACY TO COCKBLOCK YOU AT ALL COSTS?
did we cross streams again? the only thing I remember is seeing a dick
that girl from work that wants to bone me just said 'the last time i went this long without sex was in jail'. sup, red flag
juast therw a cheeeeesestirng over the fnce. stuckit to sombodys car winheild... gonna luagh if i find it mlted in the mrning.
Favorite thing said to me in 2012: It's like you have two tongues!
Were you keeping a list?
He awkwardly handed me plan b on Pickens Street... it was like a sketchy drug deal.
His gf just liked my changed relationship status. She's gonna shit bricks when she finds out he left her for me. Bless her little heart.
I was passed out in a bathroom stall. Of course im going to look like shit
The bros used their bong water as pong water but I walked in mid game and didn't know so they hit our first cup and I chugged it.
Last year I got a dildo in the mail on my birthday. Today it was just a credit card bill. Sadface.
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