dude, the summer is killing me. i just woke up cause my balls were stuck to HER leg!
I feel like vodka or no vodka, you'd still be trying to button your cat into your comforter
I use him for alcohol and he uses me for sex. This is the closest thing to love i could imagine
Alright we have to be drunk.before noon tomorrow. Its a new law i just got passed through congress. It goes into effect imediately
Some idiot from high school is in the hospital for bonging three beers up his ass
He should have died. Natural selection.
Bring my gorilla suit and my bong.
Oh its going to be that type of weekend?
just cuz theres a goalie doesnt mean i cant commandeer the goal and become a way better goalie
Putting a breathalyzer in a bar is a horrible idea. But I won
she shotgunned a can of v8, threw the can on the ground and said, "fuck bitches get money" then passed out on the spot
Ps I just used the "If you give a mouse a cookie" defense in a real life situation. Suck it
Why would I take you home? That would eliminate the chances of you making bad decisions I could ridicule you about later.
..puke & rally mid art final. HAPPY CINCO DE MAYO!
Sex followed by chicken and waffles... Hands down my favorite morning plans. Count me in.
Who wakes up at 9 and says "let me send a pic of my dick to my ex gf"
I love my cat. she doesnt judge when i stumble in my house drunk and pass out on my floor. my dog looks at me disappointed.
Randomize
