wake up i wanna do it froggy style
so when she was in the shower, I took a pic of my dick with her phone and sent it to her brother saying, this just fucked your sister
By the way, her vagina was so tight i was worried that i would be stuck forever
In other news I saw a pack of make believe zombies walking down green st.
gotta love wednesdays
Tis a story best told in person, it involves a golf course, police and vomit
It usually does with you
Wydf in so deruk i just dowwned a packet if salt waitibg for food at del taco
getting a black eye the first day of spring break really sets the tone for the rest of the week.
In other news, shitting yourself is not an acceptable way to start a Thursday.
No dude I got way too drunk to function. 90% sure I tried to FaceTime 911.
Either I'm paranoid or I swear my parents rigged my house so you can never sneak in or have the munchies without being loud.
I just had my first lesbian experience. Out of spite.
I broke her handcuffs. I feel like an animal.
Hey sorry for calling you so much last night. I mixed your number with the pizza guys, and he was running late
For a man with no legs he was surprisingly good at doggy style.
I don't know whether to high-five you or stage an intervention.
I'm not saying I'm planning to hook up tomorrow but I'm also not saying I'm unprepared for it
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