Will you blow on my dice?
ally, we are sitting by a fire and you are totally hot. no pun intended
You would think that someone would have been sober enough to object to vodka bong races.
he prob just wants to be friends and here i am photoshopping our kids
I feel like I should lick our pitcher just so everyone knows its ours
No, I don't not want an upside down piggyback ride. You're drunk and there are rocks.
Operation "Inform her family she stars in a sadistic lesbian porn film" is in full effect. She picked the wrong guy to cheat on.
If I wear a tail on Halloween, how am I supposed to grind? Maybe I will just wear devil horns
we were both freshly single and using each other as rebounds. most intense sex I've ever had. i felt like a grizzly bear emerging from hibernation in a whirlwind of sexual fury
What's more sad than going to Target to buy Plan B and the new Sam Smith album?
And then I went through the chix filet drive through for breakfast in all my republican post sex glory
I CALLED IT A FRIENDSHIP. NOT A I WANT YOUR MAN PARTS IN MY LADY PARTS-SHIP.
It's a special kind of bond when your gay brother takes pics of you topless at a frat party.
i opened the door and you were passed out on my doorstep wearing ugly shorts and cuddling a pinnapple, i dont know what happened to you.
One lone grasshopper in the whataburger bathroom. Don't know how it got there. Scared the fuck out of me. Also puked over the side of the silverado fence. The horses looked disappointed. Animal magnetism is beautiful. You taught me well. I love you.
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