TAKE DOWN THAT PHOTO OF ME IN THE NURSES COSTUME NOW.
You tried to pay the bartender in graduation checks, I think you'll be fine in the real world.
Oh I also wanted to thank you for leaving your list of porn sites on the coffee table. Very entertaining.
Had a booty call cancel on me tonight. Said he hurt his back. So this is what single and 30-something is like. Suck.
That's some primal shit right there. My vagina is all like CONSUME HIM AND HIS FRUIT HE WILL GIVE YOU SONS!
I was stopped at a light on my way home and a priest threw holy water on my car. Seems fitting after last night.
I was unconscious Saturday for like 6 hours after I passed out on the sidewalks of our nation's capital. Thank you America, for bottomless brunch.
Got done with class, now I'm buying MD 2020 with the ex. Sure feels like college.
I can get there in 20, one question, Drress Code? Stripper Lite (make up may require an additional 5-10 minutes), Suggestive Professor (professor Kamil's cleavage ain't got nothing on me), Daywear, Dyke (and trust me you ain't seen dyke), or Exactly What I'm Wearing Right Now. (all of the above may arrive under a coat and are subject to my level of sobriety. Which is currently like nonexistent).--xoxo you know you love me, Gossip Girl.
He told me if he passed out to wake him by sitting on his face, and if he suffocated at least he would die happy. Found the one.
It wasn't exactly a dick pic. It was more like a body shot with a hint of wiener.
Put a Santa hat on my junk. He's wants to be festive too.
It was a fun night! I woke up with a boyfriend, again....
My parents are now taking hits off a joint. Thank you.
He told me that he had never gotten a blow job. I sat there for a second, then thought "I MUST FIX THIS!" It was fucking fantastic.
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