he started yelling "squirt for me" then his girlfriend knocked on the door and told us to keep it down
i'm not really understanding how she couldn't figure out it was him
Some milfs here doing some blow
Dad?
who do I fuck, the girl waiting for me upstairs or her roomate making me mac and cheese right now?? This is the single hardest decision I've always wanted to have to make
I thought I hit my peak drinking in college. Just finished first day on Wall Street. College was nothing.
and thats when we got a drunken mammogram in the middle of cvs pharmacy
I mean it was like cry my eyes out or masturbate in my moms bathroom.
do you still have a key to my apartment? Without going into too much detail locked myself out naked on the patio, currently using a deck cushion to cover myself so kids walking home from school dont see me
He was just lying in his underwear like a present. I had to unwrap it.
when the repo soundtrack came on in the middle of us having sex i realized it was about time that i clear out my itunes library
You can't call dibs on the bed... every time you party you KO in the bathtub
He wore socks while I was giving him head. I couldn't even focus on his penis because of the socks.
So I've reached a new low. After completing my walk of shame and being told "see you around", I took off my heels to discover he had came in my shoe.
Dude, you fell into a tree, and both of the tables, AND the window well... Resilient aren't you?
i just sneezed the second i jizzed and it got in my eye. words can't describe how much i hate life right now.
I love you so much and not just because your dick is perfect
Randomize
