go do what you do best...puke behind churches
When you gave the girl your number the fat girl was like "take mine....here please take mine"
I know what youre going to say and vodka only explains half of my sitation
Apparently my type is "guy whose parents had unprotected sex on Halloween". Last week was my ex's, my FWB's, and the guy I'm seeing's birthdays.
What would you do in exchange for having a girl eat a waffle house waffle off your body?
drove into oncoming traffic. add a minute to my ETA
Aaaaand then she sang MDMA to the tune of the YMCA song, with appropriate gestures.
He showed up at my door at 3 AM wearing a Santa hat with a tiara attached.
I figure even if it starts out as just sex I can bang him into loving me
Definitely had a dick in my ass while watching the Seahawks win. Best NFC Championship game ever.
I spent the whole ride asking the cabbie if people ever have sex back there, and if he wanted me to make that number one higher.
You punched me in the face while blackout. 20 min later I told you I'd been punched in the face and you yelled 'by who, imma go kill 'em!'
Remember that time you puked in the middle of wendy's?
Yeah, why?
The staff still remembers me for cleaning it up. Thanks for the free frosty and fries
I feel like I haven't slapped your ass in years. This will be awesome.
His sex game is strong it’s like a warlord’s dick! you know what I mean?
Nope
Randomize
