If I don't wake up snuggled up to 14 ice cream sandwiches, my life is incomplete.
Her cooch smelled like a combination of bacon and sweat.
We walked into the bar in The Flying V formation from The Mighty Ducks. We were ready.
best googles of the semester: toe fucking, purpose of two nostrils, human tail. with pictures
i can recognize that vagina from a mile away
Getting business cards printed for tonight. Would you rather be: 1. Vice President of Argentina 2. Celebrity Dental Assistant or 3. Dial-Up Internet Technician
3. Dial-Up Internet Technician.
I'm trying to make a sex playlist
record yourself crying and put it on a loop.
How could you give up sex for lent? I gave up religion for lent years ago and never looked back. Or give up civility, not sex.
our flight took off 8 am and the bar didn't close til 5, so we decided it was a good idea to just stay out all night. Drunk logic is awesome. We were all scared we wouldn't get let onto the plane
That's just weird. That doesn't make sense sexually at all. I mean, you might as well tape a pen to the tip and try and write your name while you're at it.
I bet you there is porn for people who get off on someone rubbing Chipotle on themselves
WHY HAVE SO MANY THING GONE IN MY BUTT ON THIS TRIP
he's such a nice guy...he deserves a bigger dick.
It was like if the scent of sour milk and burning tires had a baby in taste form.
Omfg I just White Claw shamed a Girl Scout Cookie mom and I feel SO BAD.
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