If a girl is wearing Ed Hardy from head to toe, does that make her a douchebagette?
i just won a 100 dollar gift card to walmart in a karaoke contest...i love kentucky
After watching Cinemax for a few months, real porn just grosses me out.
It's not mothers day until you're vomitting syrup into grandma's toilet. Cherish the holidays
chinese tourists just took a picture of me....im pretty sure i heard the bus drive say something about shame.
I think you blew it when you asked her "Do you look good naked too, Or is it just the bra?"
Why is there broken glass in my purse?
You stole a snow globe. From your VP. Soooo...maybe don't put all your hopes on that promotion you were expecting
Do pleather leggings scream im easy on a first date?
You were too drunk yesterday to deal with me crying so I am too drunk to deal with logic.
The teenager outdrank all of us. All. Of. Us. I woke up and she was getting everyone water and fruit snacks. I give up.
He has a burner phone just to send dick pics. It's revolutionary
I'm only coming over if you have cocaine or a snickers bar
someone just "made it rain" kraft processed sliced cheese. i forgot what it was like to be home...
I'm reading 50 shades of grey and masturbating while he's doing insulation downstairs. Maybe I can get him to bring me a sandwich
now whenever i pass that house all i can think about is how i pooped in their yard..
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