i just smoke outta the biggest bowl i've ever seen. the kid was totally compensating for a tiny weeenie.
She's been divorced three times and use to raise cock fighters. Of course I'm interested in her
I really wanna punch him. Right in his cell-phone-sized penis
Beer bonged 7 shots of Jameson. I title this night short stories with tragic endings.
Dude if our hands were ladels we could work at a soup kitchen
That would be so convenient
Woke up next to a tiki torch spooning a plastic flamingo on a welcome mat i've never seen before with a "happy valentines day" balloon tied to my wrist, oh yeah and "i am a cougar" is written on my chest in sharpee and all the kitchen furniture is upside down...
It was your ex but it was not eighties night, it was pudding wrestling. And either thank you or I'm sorry depending on the state of my pants left on the doorstep
I want to break his glasses with my pelvis.
Hes wearing a shirt that says warning shitshow and i cant help but think his attorney made him wear it so ppl know the dangers.
Whatever happend to that lawsuit where he got sued for shittig in that fish tank
All I want is to send a text that says "i slept with someone while wearing nothing but purple argyle socks this weekend." But the only person i would send that to is you. But you already know. Because they were your socks.
Its not chugging if its just one gulp
Just saw a government minister puke and rally.
Why would you trust me with ANYTHING!!!???
She gave me a collar. When I asked what this was for she replied "I'm taming your dick"
Its pretty bad when you can tell twins apart by the size of their penises...
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