shotgunning a bud heavy is like shotgunning a turkey sandwich
fuck. did you have to draw it on me with a permanent marker
you went up to their shower, tripped in it, accidentally turned it on and then claimed that you like to "test everyone's showers"
Does getting a boner while watching the celtic women sing opera on ETV make me cultured?
I'm not a creep or anything, just a lost soul looking for a good lay
This adderall has me convinced I'm an Econ major.
i just snorted adderall with my patient's rolled up EKG strip from our last clinical. nursing school has ruined me. thought you would appreciate this.
I think I shall call his penis Gatsby. We talk about it all the time, but I never see it.
I made him an O's fan. One pic of my tits coming out of a Baltimore shirt and it was done.
I dont even think your gonna like what I got you for christmas. If not we can take it back and get drugs.
Because the guy guy doing the drawing either wanted to bone, or wanted us to stop entering the contest. Either way, we got concert tickets so I'm cool with both scenarios.
Getting dome in the backseat of a friends car with Ariana Grande playing in the background was probably the most romantic part of my night
I just wiped my butthole and there was glitter down there.
I have filthy fantasies involving his tongue. My vagina almost exploded while he was licking that ice cream cone.
That awkward moment when you were so fucking drunk lastnight that you and your fuck buddy wake up wearing eachother's clothing covered in hot cheetos with his cat curled up between your heads meowing. Thought you'd appreciate this moment with me.
Randomize
