the best part is my dad got arrested for the same thing at the same bar 30 years ago... so he cant be mad
Do you know any thirteen year old jewish kids? I'm looking for a party.
i licked the inside of a toilet bowl for $14. i really can't talk about my night.
He came over while I was in the ER and hung pictures of himself around my house.
It would be like bopping for an apple with my penis but never winning an actual prize. The only thing I would get from it would be the joy from taking part but then regretting it forever more
We have a drunken confused pantless man in our apt. Boots.
Did you know you could bring s cooler of beer to the nail salon?
Calling a preemptive no homo on tonight's activities
Favorite thing said to me in 2012: It's like you have two tongues!
Were you keeping a list?
I'm wearing a suit and have no chance of getting laid or robing a casino. I consider this opportunity a failure
that's the second time I've left that bar and slept with the person that's driven my car. thank god I don't take cabs..
If I die on my walk home, please come claim the body. There is $30 in my left shoe for you....for pizza
She's still mad at me for saying she looked pregnant and not getting her chicken nuggets.
Just had a flashback of scottish man yellin' at my face. What the fuck I did?
holy shit! you were walking down a hill and just happened to be passing a trash can like 4 ft away and projectile vomited over a fence into the trash can. kept walking and drank a beer.
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