# days @ Coachella: 1 people i showed how to break it down: 279
I am now the proud owner of a 10-12 year old's Optimus Prime costume from Walmart. Tomorrow is going to be a good day.
We went into lab today and when no one was looking i touched our cadaver's penis!
i'm sitting in the second floor bathroom drinking coronas in the shower. do not find me.
that awkward moment when your booty call gets snowed in at your place.
I'm using her two yr old as a arm rest while I attempt to feel her up. Somehow she is allowing it. How this transitions to sex should be interesting.
Dear me: Drinking & crying tonight, my place, 9pm sharp. Love, your life
Totally forgot we howled at the full moon last night... It's safe to say Tuesday Boozeday is my new favorite day of the week
you got to sleep with him and don't even remember it? that's like sleeping through an entire vacation
You came in last night, ate an entire avocado in silence, and then told me I should never accept rides from strangers. Not sure I even want to know what happened to you last night!
I apparently asked the bartender for a plastic bag and told her I was gunna puke then grabbed two handles from the bar then put the handles in the plastic bag and left.....
Of course, it's a law of friendship. "Thy friend Shalt always hold hatred for thine friend's swinish ex"
Rock bottom: having sex rejected while your boyfriend talks in his sleep as you stuff your face with Girl Scout cookies
Getting food poisoning after eating at work was the cherry on top of my "Welcome back to real life" sundae.
I basically go to him for great dick and great memes.
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