What do you think she thinks of us?
I think she thinks we're whores... but ya I think she likes us
Last nIght I drank wIth the new guy from fellowshIp & my pastor I've known sInce I was 7. It was agreed by them that I had nIce tIts. I'm not weIrded out In fact I'm flattered...
i found her half dressed with her feet in the washer..she said it was sooo warm.
Frozen waffles and wine. Loneliness-party of one
My autobiography is now tentatively titled "I'm Fucking the DJ, and Other Ways to Party for Cheap"
I officially became the girl who let a guy get her off under the covers last night while her roommate and a friend were there. He was impressed by my ability to stay quiet and stay relatively focused on the conversation...
I am so ashamed of you, and yet so proud.
After the baby comes, I'll make us White Russians with my breast milk. That will teach her about sharing.
Then this bride walked into the bar, she thought it would be a good idea to hug her & then she started playing parachute with her train.
I feel like I beer bonged a ton of asbestos
My mom just told me not to dance on any tables on Halloween...I'm choosing to take that statement as a joke
In the name of friendship, I’m going to kick your children into the ocean.
These last few days with George, grandma, and now Carrie all dying have been pushing me further and further into rum's sweet embrace.
WTF DOES CAROLINE HAVE GLASS IN HER FACE
No, it's okay that he's on a date. I attach no more emotion to him than I do my vibrator.
when your dumb AF ex “accidentally” venmos you $50 and texts you asking for it back..... —sorry I accidentally deleted your number and cashed out
Randomize
