i caught a guy at work today stealing condoms. i let him go when i realized that they were extra small.
In the airport and just saw a little boy put his head in his mother's crotch... I guess he took a whiff because he backed up and said loudly, "mommy your pee-pee is stinky!"
Quoting wale wont save you from herpes
I just offered a homeless man a meal from McDonald's, and he replied "I don't eat McDonald's food". That is the epitome of "begger's can't be choosers."
THEY SHOULD WARN YOU WHEN THEY MAKE JELLO SHOTS WITH JACK DANIELS!!! THEY SHOULD WARN YOU!!!!!!!
This girl just introduced herself as Queefer Sutherland. She's on a roller derby team. What. The. Fuck.
I am expending an amazing amount of energy to not throw up right now
I guess the study abroad went badly, I gave him a joint and he just smoked it and cried all the way from the airport
Rule number one to being a good adult: don't use your vagina as an icebreaker. Just some wisdom I thought I'd pass down from experience.
Well I can't go home with anyone tonight bc I stuffed my bra
He's way too stoned. I took him to el bra and he's laying on the table, not sure what to do with him
His dog was laying on the bed and he said we could have sex as long as we didn't disturb his dog. My life is pathetic
My Sexting was not on an AP level
I mean there are real risks associated with having unprotected sex, but I don’t think I need to worry about a ghost possessing me and having unprotected sex while using my body
that may or may not have been my penis.
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