I need to stop sleeping with republicans and cowboys fans.
i realized our last day of finals is on cinco de mayo....it's god's way of saying drink ridiculous amounts of tequila and wear sombreros
He plays me like an instrument...he is the Carlos Santana of my vagina.
I looked the guy across the room straight in the eyes and said, "If you were any closer to me, we'd be making out right now."
So guess who got away with telling their girlfriend she's insane multiple times in a Valentine's day card. Yup, this guy.
I wish we could all take a bath together. Not in a lesbian way. But in a relaxing drunk in the tub sort of way.
All I've had to eat today are potatoes...and by that I mean vodka and chips
Nothing like sunday church bells to aid your walk to the pharmacy to get plan b
Stop leaving buckets of wine at my house.
This is like a walk of shame down memory lane.
3 cups of coffee and some molly. The "Tay's Day Off Diet"
National tequila day this year falls on a Monday. I've never been more disappointed in my life.
I remember being like "I can't hold both of you guy's hair back!" so I put headbands on each of you
I was trying to type "I just want you naked" and it put "I just want you baked"
He lasted less than 30 sec. in bed and then sent me a friend request on LinkedIn. Wtf.
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