You know, there is no convenient place for your beer when you are on shrooms taking a shower.
Jesus just hopped over the fence with a rack of coors. How's your Halloween?
Have you seen Dave? He's not on top of the bar anymore but I found his shirt.
In a weird way, I don't want to stalk him on Facebook. I want to find out what's wrong with him the old-fashioned way. Is this what it means to be romantic?
well, I yelled "the tribe has spoken!" at a boatload of people and then I walked home alone in the pouring rain at 1:30am. karma really is a bitch, yo.
I like using largw condoms because they are more comfortable but also I feel bad because it's like false advertisement
Eating a grilled cheese at a strip club... good idea??
The cat just walked up and made eye contact with me while I had sex. I'm going to have to burn the house down with him in it.
SKIIIIIIIIIIII, trip mo foes! Let-ith the epic- ness begin ith. Heroes go forth, nAy Sayers fuckin die. This is for the good of mankind! See you on the morrow
Apologies to the number who did not expect to get this but certainly be jealous of us.
you licked my face then when I finally got you to the bathroom, mid puke you said you liked the taste of my foundation.....you weren't drunk at all....
Random pof guy just messaged me initiating a Pokemon battle. Want to be a bridesmaid?
First poop in my apartment for the summer, officially settled in. :)
I'm 80% sure I have pink eye. This is my penance for being a homewrecker.
Had a moment of weakness, slept with my ex last night
So that's why our room smells like tequila and shame.
He lasted less than 30 sec. in bed and then sent me a friend request on LinkedIn. Wtf.
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