Bea Arthur died! :(
What?
Big bird passed.
I swallowed your vile semen and you don't know what color my fucking eyes are!?
my dad just referred to me and my boobs as 'the three of you'
I don't know what he sees in her. All I see are horrible pancake nipples
I found an HIV test/information brochure on the kitchen table and what i can only assume to be an "I'm sorry you might have AIDS" gift bag, complete with a candle and popcorn, and I haven't seen you in 36 hours. You good?
I told him I liked how shrimp feels in my mouth, but I don't actually like eating it. Turned out to be the most awkward way to say that I wanted to suck his dick.
Please tell me you have Advil or Tylenol or ibuprofen or a fucking baseball bat
I've realized that I'm going to have to wake and bake every morning to make it through the summer without killing someone. This is ridiculous.
who was i chillin with last night? i woke up in a storage unit
but you were the sluttiest panda there and you need to embrace it
In local news "Man Stabbed With Golf Club" next person who tells me this is a safe place to live gets punched...
Well, I dont really know how much penis you have at your disposal so I cant be sure
I just wanna get drunk and go sledding in my kayak
Attention, i sprayed windex on me to disguise the scent of sex and regret off my clothes from last night
He did a backflip because drugs
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