chick im bringing home just asked our cab driver if she could do a line off his turban. i think im in love - or trouble.
she looks like luggage that fell from a plane
we just got in the car and birthday sex is playing
that is a sign the 3 of us should have a threesome
we agree. completely
i've been called drunk 4 times today and it's only 3pm
I can see why you broke up with her now... it was like having sex with a corpse.
Oh we're fine. I made her a "sorry I peed on you" omelet.
Normal vaginal pH: 3.8 to 4.5. Of course it tastes like a 9-volt. I could run a potato clock on that thing.
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
So the day after the 4th I'm sitting here drinking Molson and watching NHL free agent frenzy. From patriotic American to drunken Canadian in 24 hours flat. Booyah.
You should make us a hot pocket to split while I go throw up.
And I made some girl take out the trash, load and unload the dishwasher, swifter, and clean the counters. So don't act like I don't do anything.
He was the highest I've ever seen. Almost had him convinced there are only three colors in the rainbow...
He got up after sex and said "is it wrong if I say happy Mother's Day?"
He invites me over for to adderall and chill. Academic Tuesday
Let's do something tonight. I feel like setting things on fire.
Randomize
