Is it bad that when I see ugly people make out, I hope he's impotent?
a guy in a toll booth on I-90 told me to fuck off for not being a red sox fan. i am going to miss massachusetts very much.
Dude. Creed is coming in september.
We're no longer friends.
its always fun the next morning to look around the room and see where all the clothing landed.
I feel like this whole "telling that guy i have a kid to avoid him" thing is getting out of hand..
How so?
Probably at the point when i told him i was "Too drunk to drive" and "had to pick up my kid" all in a span of like 2 hours.
It's my fault there's ramen coiled around his penis.
my boss told me he would look for my wallet when he went back to the strip club tonight.
thanks for paying me in special brownies...but brownies dont pay the rent...anymore.
Not enough. Tell the person next to you to give you their drink. I give you permission. And then chug it. Be a hero tonight.
You told the cop at mobil to keep it real and look both ways before crossing the street.
This guy smells like mr Rogers puppets and I don't know how to deal with it
My day in three words: secret purse cake
Don't forget Giraffe in your car! If we show up in the same outfit without animal heads we're just gonna look weird.
I want to be tan and drunk. Is that too much to ask for?
I’ve basically been controlling him with my tits for months now, so I can’t even imagine what would happen if I start banging him
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