So we stole all of the newspapers out of the stands within a 1 mile radius and filled up her car with crumpled newspaper.
Who leaves their car unlocked at night?
Someone who wants to read the newspaper.
Dude, I had to masturbate just to stay warm. Please pay the gas bill?
The coffee from our coffee maker just hasn't tasted normal since we made Mac n cheese in it that one time....
trying to imitate man vs food after 12 shots doesnt mean youll get laid
And then she apologized after the blow job for being too sick to deep throat. I'm in love..
I just put on eyeliner and a diff shirt in case the pizza guy is cute. This is what my dating life has come to
Hey it happens. Think of it this way- you didn't wake up in jail, your face wasn't inexplicably busted and you still have all your teeth. In this group of friends, you're on top!
i really need to shower, but i don't want to take off my bra and lose my cleavage. the struggle
Blow jobs in the hobby lobby parking lot, oh lawd there gonna pray for me when they review those tapes ...
I woke up naked with a duck on my head. I think something went horribly wrong.
She used to be cute, back when we were young.
Oh well, so were platform jellies. Shit changes.
I am not walking across campus just to give you a blow job in the hopes that in return i can study more efficiently.
It was horribly awesome. Its like looking at the sun, you know its bad for you but I just couldn't stop looking.
When i was leaving for work this morning, i realized the neighbor was passed out drunk, with no pants, and a half eaten whopper on my lawn. Knowing that hey..we have all been there before.. i decided to give him a pillow and a blanket rather than wake him up.
So... he's my second cousin's step-bro... To do or not to do?
Randomize
