I will come over but only if I don't have to take my sunglasses off for it
Bel-fucking-mar, this place has more popped collars than a Hollister catalog
she just stood in the kitchen yelling "REAL WOMEN HAVE CURVES"
Woke up this morning on my couch at 6am fully dressed including heels, holding half a corn dog. I called you last night when I was buying the corn dog from a street vendor, I think.
I am in love with you.
i literally paused in the middle of it, turned on my light, pointed to the picture netxt to my bed and go "you hooked up with my roommate too!!! AWWW!" he was so weirded out. i don't think he understands the relationship we have..we share..
He is passed out on the kitchen floor. He will fight you if you disturb him. Just a warning.
He said something pertaining to Ragu and vodka I'm worried
It's really not cool dreaming about going into labor with your ex boyfriends love child as you're sleeping next to him.
HIV testing and a light brunch. Sounds like a great way to spend Christmas Eve.
Maybe you'll have a Christmas miracle
Discovery: bouncers seem to get really upset about fire
I Have a huge scrape on my knee and I need a better excuse than dry humping on a park bench...
See I would make a great girlfriend. My surprises are sex and burritos. What else do guys want
holy shit I was not prepared for her to whip out that dildo
He came over and fucked me while my conference call was on mute. Working from home is the best.
We gotta locate my vibrators and get them stashed away STAT
Randomize