Def slept AT the bar last night, wow that's a first!
Her breakfeast in bed consisted of half a pop tart that I didn't want, and water that I slipped birth control into... Who says chivalry is dead?
like we started out all organized and composed and within thirty mins people were throwing up in the bushes, arguing over a beer bong and jumping in the pool with their clothes on
The only thing the cop asked me is..... "how are you still alive"?
Note to self: don't jizz on a surface cleaned with Tilex. It WILL turn purple.
so now that i'm sober i just want to apologize for violating your back seat...... on a brighter note thank you for playing the little mermaid song "kiss the girl," really set the mood.
Dontating $10 to the Red Cross relief effort in Japan for every car bomb I take tomorrow. Yes, buying me a drink just became a good cause.
Would it be bad if I bought her bread, meat, cheese, and stuff as her christmas present so she can make me a sandwich?
When we pulled over so you could pee, you made us stand over you and "make a roof"
do you think the dildo I'm bringing through airport security is considered a weapon?
This is why we can never be together. Well that and we r married to other ppl but that's very minor detail compared to the coffee issue
I should be trashily making out with an air force cadet in the beach volleyball court by now
I am getting off work an hour early just to watch you drink. Never let it be said that I don't love you.
That was before I lit my hair on fire
I just found an entire bag of French fries under the seat of my car labeled "For emergency use only" drunk me is always planning ahead.
Randomize
