I'm pouring my heart out in these texts and you're going around showing everyone???
He came through my line today and bought designer impostor perfume, just for men gel, and astroglide. I almost DIED.
Instead of a promise ring i got my clit peirced, its a promise that ill always give you ass! =]
I don't think the people up for their 8am class were as impressed with how many beads i got last night as we were.
You know how I know it's Spring Break? I just passed a car with "South Padre bound" shoe polished on the back. The driver was blatantly drinking a roadie and getting road head.
Lightning struck the tree right outside of her window as I came inside her. I think its God's way of saying go by plan b.
She is high at the bar - she thinks the bottle of frangelico is aunt jemima telling her to stop doing drugs.
If a man doesnt have the ability to fuck you well on a small climbing wall, I don't think he deserves you.
So because I'm off tomorrow that means your dick could be in my mouth majority of that time
I am in the bathroom at work, pooing while eating pretzels. Hungover Fridays are in full effect
I think there's a problem with society when I'm shopping for lingerie and I think "man some of these would make kickass shirts"
Rigtt?!
Let's get the cat blown out
falling asleep on a hardwood floor changes a person
There's nothing wrong with using cocaine to keep my heart rate up in my fitness class.
I'm gonna invite every single tinder date I've had to my birthday. Let them fight, battle Royale style. The winner gets to fuck me. \n\nBest. Birthday. Ever
Randomize
