I dint menn to makr ut w brtendr
Wat???
U lft me at bar, no cassh for cab, may have slept with bartender
I'm drinking ghetto ass mojitos!
Wow. How can mojitos be ghetto?
Squirt + bacardi limon + limes = ghetto mojitos
Come over? It's my birthday
How many times has that text failed you tonight?
Listen, I'm 30. If it doesnt involve a super soaker and some chicken wings, you can count me out.
You know why I moved here? No public intoxication law. A cop just helped me from my bent over vomit pose, asked if I was ok, and gave me a ride home.
side note. good thing you didn't come to drunk breakfast. we were judged by children.
I think I slept in the cheesecake last night. Either that or I had a wet dream. Whatever happened I need to wash my pants.
She just tried to snort granola up her nose but its ok she's not bleeding.
A gentleman never tells..... therefore i will neither confirm nor deny the attatched photos
Monday funday. I brushed my teeth with antibacterial soap. hangover I did not have.
I don't fucking know. He perched his parrot on his dick. I left after that.
video games take priority over anything else you can offer me.
Dude, I wish I could live my entire life blacked out.
she kind of stumbled up and said "Bitches be needin' stiches." i thought i could convince her to break a bottle over someones head but she fell onto her face and passed out before i could say anything
I'm gonna write a book entitled "when you give a cop a cookie..."
I don't even want to know.
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