When he brought me into his room he showed me his James Bond calendar and matching sheets, and then told me that his goal in life is to be James Bond….epic fail. Mission Impossible. I was scared to take off his boxers to find out that they were also James Bond themed.
RUN LIKE YOUR JAMES BOND
i kinda do this "flirt with girls and pretend to be a hot white guy named chris" thing
I just watched a trucker jack off to a picture of Ellen DeGeneres at a truck stop in Nebraska.
I don't really want to write this paper. It's the last one of the semester - I need to savor the feeling of procrastination.
You dont understand. she was my french AND spanish teacher. that's 2 kinds of freaky. i have to find her on facebook.
Just interrupted a freshman tour to ask where the sexual health center is. Figured I'd just give us all what we were really looking for.
I just found a hunk of ham in my back jeans pocket from god knows when. We gotta stop going so ham.
Just remember my house smells of thick cut bacon and I have a big dick.
We could make it cute. Like "oh those two cute lesbians who are about five foot two who sell the cocaine down the street. You know the ones? With the Yorkies?"
ACTUALLY FUNNIEST MOMENT OF THE NIGHT WAS WHEN YOU WERE TALKING TO HIM AND YOU SAID "WHEN YOU MEET ME IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE A LOT ANGRIER." And then he said "WHEN I MEET YOU IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE LESS DRUNK, HOPEFULLY."
If catching your vomit in my hands while swimming in a bath tub full of it doesn't make us best friends, I don't know what will
Far be it from me to tell you where you store your dildos but from an interior decorating standpoint not fucking there
Whose panties are you wearing on your head and why are you sending me pics of it?
I'll do anything with you, except downhill sports and butt stuff.
aloe plants are like gummy bears with an exoskeleton, but with healing powers instead of deliciousness.
are you on the drugs???
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