Dude you just tried to have a one night stand with my ex girlfriend while we were trying to put you to bed upstairs.
but that still doesn't explain how i woke up on the couch down stairs.
I'm surrounded by 3 year olds in tutus. They are far too innocent to be within at least 500 ft of me.
we were fucking and all I could think about is how my silly bands were glowing in the dark.
Oh btw, my mom called... you made the police blotter in the newspaper. Don't worry, she's mailng me a copy so I can put in on the fridge.
You Were screaming "Im trying to get it in" and "stop cock blocking" while i threw you in the car
hooked up with the gay kid & his friend's mom told me "you know he has a identical twin brother whose straight, right?"
I will pee on everything he values.
So when I eventually, if ever, find someone I'd like to marry, do you think having people fly to africa for a lion king themed wedding is too much?
Oh you have the munchies, Dad? That's great and congratulations on the weed but STOP EATING MY APPLE PIE
People will call it the Wrath of the Froyo. We'll be immortalized.
I'm currently giving my drug dealer relationship advice. He's a nice guy and all but I'm really just hoping I get some free weed
my sex drive just dried up, fell out, and is rolling on the floor somewhere.
Have you ever looked at someone and thought…oh honey, you're too pretty for an ankle monitor
I'm not too sure what happened last night, but by the looks of it, we must have gotten drunk with zebras.
short story short, i just screamed anal seepage in the middle of a diner.
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