I was about to go down on her and her dong flopped out and hit me in the chin. This may have a Nam like post-traumatic-stress-disorder effect on me.
things that need to be invented #43: vodka that also acts as birth control.
New drink name: the Vermont Douchebag. Take shot of maple syrup, drop into cup of jager, bomb.
Apparently telling a group of crying girls that it looks like they need a visit from Dr. Phil isn't the best pickup line.
Well ya in hindsight obviously offering the cop a jello shot was a bad idea
After he told me that it's up to him to carry on his family name, I almost felt bad for not letting him cum inside me.
There's a mirror laying face down next to me. A looooong full body mirror. By the looks of it it fell off the wall last night and was within centimeters of shattering on my head. Awesome.
Let's just say my vagina is not superimpressed with the superintendent of schools.
I come back home for break and my room is full of weed either my parents really love me or they are having more fun then I am in college
I just stuck my fingers down her throat so she could puke. I mean what are friends for
Oh my god she just threw up on her dog
It's hard to be judgmental of others when you are wearing silver pleather.
If my mom walks in on me masturbating one more time I'm moving out
You'd think the first few times would have been enough
I'm using the house around the corner that my parents rent out to people as a means of getting sex. I just tell them I'm going for a walk and just invite my next hook up over
He started making out with my boobs. I didn't know whether to be proud of my boobs or ashamed of my mouth.
too bad burritos don't cuddle back
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