it's like there's an entire ecosystem in your vagina.
Please don't use social media to get back at me.
did we decide the 'sorry about the threesome' cake was too flippant?
Also, just almost microwaved cereal. Thank god mom is here to stop me.
I like to think I'd be good at dodging genitalia.
My drunken abilities have only improved since college....I can navigate the streets of chicago like no ones business, do push-ups to hail a taxi and instantly become an mma fighter after 3 shots of hennessy
I want to get business cards and hand them to hot guys and say " hey if you ever want to like makeout and pretend it never happened call me"
He's only done it missionary. His world is about to be rocked. Do you know what I look like from behind?
I feel like I would find myself in so much trouble if I hadn't married my DD.
If I could run through a field of Reece's and Oreos, dive off a milkfall into a bowl of cereal. My Life would complete.
It's like you know you got fucjed up when you wake up and check fir your own pulse
I'd risk everything I own for 10 min naked with her, 2 would be sex and the rest me crying like a little girl.
I started screaming "MY PARENTS ARE MORMON" at a stranger and promptly proceeded to run into a wall. How do you think it went?
He apologized for cumming on my leg, but not for ghosting me for 3 weeks before :(
We will just distract him with tacos and porn.
Randomize
