Whats contracted in vegas does not stay in vegas....
i told him i was on my period. he said, and i quote "can we not just lay down some newspapers or something?"
atleast your grandma didn't give you her USED dildo just so you wouldn't have sex.
i don't know at this point bringing the fog horn might be a good idea...
Hahaha alright after 5 shots I'm not allowed to touch glass or boys with girlfriends.
He is now tagging himself in my pics from last year where he is barely visable in the corner. i feel like he's marking his territory.
you ate dog biscuits in front of my dogs and laughed at them for not have opposable thumbs
OMGGG I JUST SAW A REAL OWL JUST CHILLING ON TOP OF A SIGN POST. I WALKED UP TO HIM AND SAID HOO HOOOOO AND HE TURNED HIS HEAD AT ME AND WAS LIKE YEAHHH BRO
that man is just a bundle of powerful magic and poor judgment
is there any kind of "im boning my neighbor and he happens to be a manager at walmart" discount that our new relationship entitles me to??
I fell into a manhole last night, so there's that
tuscaloosa is terrifying
like people here are just empty shells of drugs and sin
there is no mercy here
I found one of those wine glass confetti bits in my ass crack.
I put the child locks on after I put you in the car and you then screamed, "I am a Phoenix, you can't restrain me. I NEED TO FLY!"
Some sorority went “Dick or Treating” at a frat house and now the Halloween parties are canceled
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