Raging hang over. 6AM finish. Shat on a bag of trash in an alley. D L that last bit.
I just came so hard I farted. Twice. Thank God I'm alone.
Fuck positive energy. I choose drinking instead,
my mom just asked me why she found a half-eaten burrito in the hamper
Hannah wants to know if she cant borrow your stats notes because she threw up on hers.
I still can't believe he came down from his hiding place in the tree voluntarily because he didn't want us to have to talk to the cops alone...
You're like the Mr. T of my A-team, only less gold jewelry and more pitying of fools.
That's the nicest thing anyone has said to me all day.
All I want to do is get high and needlepoint. Fuck your judgement
Just got biofeeze on my vag. Weirdest sensation everrr. Can't decide if I want to cum or cry
I smell like lime and condoms and I really want a waffle. Fuk
He told me he sees me like a sister then 10 mins later tried to make out with me.
Yeah well I just had an orgasm on my bathroom floor so there's a first for everything I guess
What's a nice way of saying 'I wish I hadn't fucked you.'
Dude someone puked in a bowl n put it in the fridge. I thought it was salsa! Who does that?
I've been eaten out in coupes, sedans, trucks, suv's, you name it. If I can do it in a smart car, you can do it in a vw beetle.
I knew you were the expert on doing it in public. You need to get paid for your advise
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