Bel-fucking-mar, this place has more popped collars than a Hollister catalog
Everyone knows that the fastest route to a corporate advancement is to take a shot in the mouth
Walk of shame... his parents made me go to church with them first. in my club top sweat pants and slippers. i just slapped god in the face
It's not that drunk me is smarter; it's that sober me is secretly playing for the other team.
If I EVER think it's a good idea to blow someone who just showed me their synchronized swimming performance on youtube again please correct me immediately.
My mom just invited me to come with them on their honeymoon to Mexico this summer. And I got a Bump-It in my stocking.
Pass the awkward sauce please.
I'm drowning in it here
Currently behind the bar at some asian place, pouring drinks for everyone with a snake around my neck
(540): I ran 10 miles and then took a dump behind a rock. What the fuck have you done with a hangover that's comparable?
Weed is now completely legal in Colorado and Washington. I repeat weed is now legal! I'm putting a deposit down on a house as we speak.
ROADTRIP.
I gotta say, I do way better with the ladies than I do the men. So if it turns out being gay is a choice, then I'm going to go ahead and choose it.
I wasn't half as drunk as u but u were saying u were a "worm" and u tried to slither out of my grasp
My favorite part was screaming to all my life by kc and jojo and just horribly failing
Apparently drinking in your car before going into a sales meeting is frowned upon. We are car sales men not doctors.
having flashbacks of licking salt of your dick for my shot of tequila
I’ve been home 1 day and already had sex with my ex and got a blowie from her cousin and currently I’m getting molested by a cougar at the bar!!!! Plenty to give thanks for this year!!!!
Randomize
