living well may be the best revenge, but it doesn't hurt that my exhusband is now dating a BEAST.
I woke up on the side of the highway to the ppl in orange jumpsuits cleaning to comunity service. Not sure which freaked them out more... Finding a dead b ody or me not being dead
We're like two naked peas in a sex pod.
Shame should no longer be a word in your vocabulary.
He left npr on the whole time when we were doing it. ironic that i lost it on the 100th anniversary of the titanic. thanks michelle norris.
I've never had goosebumps on my dick before. It was definitely not a bad feeling.
It's 4/20 of course I'm going to smoke in the portapotty and be ripped outta my mind at the lung cancer walk.
i just need to find someone who enjoys eating frozen waffles as much as I do. It will be perfect.
Fuck you know you drunk when you start signing the Masson impossjvke song to entourage yourself to pee
The candles are lit, the magic circle is drawn, now all we need to do is get naked and see how many orgasms we can manage.
Honestly my life is shambles over a married man who looked like a fuckin NERD ON HIS WEDDING DAY
We need to catch up immediately. I took ecstasy and made out with carrot face this weekend.
Curing hangovers with more alcohol was a great idea for the first five days
Being single again makes you realize how guys can go from licking your asshole one night to never texting you again
If you wanna do actual business call my office. If you’re just looking to get laid you need to up your game
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