We just spray painted his balls while he is passed out....I cant wait to see him try to figure this out in the morning.
I mean if she was naked in my room I would talk to her
When I opened my laptop there was a half eaten little debbie oatmeal cream pie inside.
We're past the whole "Did she just try to finger my ass?" Stage. Now it's encouraged.
Dude I introduced the hot Russian girl to the hot Ukrainian girls. I am a UN ambassador
I like literally had a visual image of his penis going into your soul
His flight is delayed. Mother Nature is delaying me from sex.
I got drunk and slept with the guy who looks like Jesus.
Typical.
I wouldn't call us friends exactly. Honestly I just hang out with him so I can hit on his girlfriend. They won't last long, and I'll be there to pick up the scraps
He has a baby picture of himself on the night stand. I don't think this whole 'one night stand' thing is for me.
I love you with the passion of a thousand FUCKBOYS during the height of week 1 texting
He just sprayed AXE in his mouth to get rid of his bad breath... THAT DRUNK
She deleted me on Facebook. I think it's safe to say that she knows I fucked him now.
This toilet bowl is my home.
it's like i'm your dad, but instead of reminding you to bring your lunch to school i remind you to take a good long hit from your bong.
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